Kung May Amnesia Lang Ako

“Kung pwede lang mawala lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman sa pamamagitan ng yakap, habang buhay ko siyang yayakapin.”

Maraming tumatakbo sa isipan ko ngayon. Kaya naisipan kong magumpisang magtipa ng kung anu-ano lang.

Masyadong mabigat sa damdamin. Lalo nga at hindi tipong inaasahan ang mga kaganapan.

I would not write down a run down of the things i did since this morning kaya ill go straight to that part which made my day “oh so surprising”!

I had a late lunch sa isang bulaluhan near SM. I originally planned eating at Hillstation after dropping by sana sa Mt. Cloud. However, dahil close ang Mt. Cloud, I decided to look for some other place. At sakto namang napadaan ako sa harap ng 2 bulaluhan. Kaya naman dun na lang ako kumain.

A spur-of-the moment thought crossed my mind. That is to watch “My Amnesia Girl”. Bago lang yung movie (topbilled by John Lloyd Cruz and Toni Gonzaga). Most of the people i know of speak of positive remarks about it. And so, after eating, i found my way walking through Cinema 3 of SM City. SRO na when i got my ticket, nag-umpisa na rin yung movie. I actually dont like the idea of watching a movie na hindi ko napaumpisahan. Since ayoko namang maghintay pa ng 5PM para maumpisahn dahil ayaw ko din namang gabihin,i decided to watch na rin.

This is actually the 1st movie i watched sa sinehan alone, since Tessa and I broke up 3 months and 8 days ago. So it was pretty nostalgic na tipong, dati-rati, I would watch and kasama ko siya, at katabing nanunuod. Naalala ko pa tuloy yung mga past rom-com movies na napanuod namin. Wala ata kaming pinalampas na rom-com from Star Cinema, dahil bukod sa kilig eh kwela pa. Sa mga ganitong klaseng pelikula ko kasi nakikita si Tessa na tumatawa.

Ayun, maraming cheesy, at corny na linya pero tagos. The movie was all about a lady (Toni) na tinakbuhan ng groom (John Lloyd) nya on their wedding day. Parang Runaway Bride yun lang, groom yung nag-run away act. Dahil sa sobrang sama ng loob sa ginawa sa kanya ng guy, Toni made up stories that she had an amnesia when unexpectedly John Lloyd saw her 3 years after the supposed wedding. John Lloyd, on the other hand, wanted to prove himself to Toni and that he would be better if given a second chance. And so the story goes… It’s a Filipino film so you would guess how it would end… They live happily ever after despite John Lloyd having amnesia at the end.

Watching the movie made me cry, it reminded me a lot of what happened between us and Tessa for the past 6 years. I like in particular yung scene na – John Lloyd took Toni where they first met. Tapos sabi niya, gusto nyang irecreate yung mga lost memories ni Toni, but this time eh better memories. My heart sank watching that scene. My mind in itself began to go back to that day when Tessa and I had our first heart-to-heart conversation. Sana totoong may time machine para pwedeng bumalik sa mga panahon na kelangang itama ang mga pagkakamali o kea ihinito na lamang da mga pangyayaring masaya kayo.

I found myself continuously drying up my eyes as the movie culminates. At one point though, remembering how ours ended unexpectedly and in a “not so good way”, i started wishing I had amnesia in real life. Iyon bang sana, kung may masakit na pagdaraanan eh mauuntog na lang tapos hindi na maaalala yung mga taong nagdulot sayo ng sobrang sakit at sama ng loob. Sana ganoon kadaling makalimot kung baga…

The movie ended. Hindi pa ako lumabas ng sinehan kasi balak kong ulitin dahil nga hindi ko napaumpisahan. When all of a sudden, I saw someone that looks familiar. I was in denial at first, i wasn’t wearing my glasses a while back but i couldnt be wrong. I saw her. I saw Tessa approaching. She was beautiful as always. She was laughing with a friend.

I was blank for a moment. The next thing i knew, my eyes were clouded by the outpouring of tears. My hands were shaking, my heart was heavily pounding. Hindi na makagalaw yung mga paa ko na parang biglang naparalisado. Hindi ko alam kung nakita niya rin ako, hindi ko alam. I wanted to immediately leave but i was so stuck. Then, i had to wait for the lights to dim. Then i walked out wanting more na sana mahulog ako tapos mabagok ung ulo, tapos gigising ako na walang maaalala from what happened sa loob ng sinehan.

Habang patuloy akong nagtitipa ng mga saluobin ko this very moment, hindi pa rin tumitigil yung sakit na naramdaman ko kanina. Gusto kong sumigaw, gusto ko pang umiyak, gusto kong magka-amnesia na lang din. Pero hindi pa rin pala maikakaila talaga ang gusto ng puso kahit dinidiktahan na ng utak. Ang totoong gusto ko sanang gawin eh makausap at mayakap siya. Gustong gusto kong gawin yun…

Sabi sa pelikula — “Sabi sa census may 11 milyon na tao sa Metro Manila. Paano mo malalaman na nahanap mo na yung taong para sa’yo? Maaring nakita mo na siya, pero yumuko ka para magsintas. Maaring nakatabi mo na siya, pero lumingon ka para tingnan ang traffic lights. Maaring nakasalubong mo na siya pero humarang yung pedicab.

May mga maswerteng tao na nahanap na yung taong para sa kanila. May mga tanong patuloy na naghahanap at may iba na sumuko na. Pero yung pinakamasaklap, eh yung na sayo na pinakawalan mo pa”.

Dati, akala ko nahanap ko na, pero yun pala, mawawala pa.

Lester out.